Big-Boned and Big Bracelets

I fell in love with this dress at Target last week while attempting to find pants for work. It was a difficult color to capture because it's sort of a grey denim and looks silver in most of the photos. I wore it pretty basic for the first wearing but I can see all kinds of possibilities for layering, belts, scarves, etc. I had on a fuscia tee underneath that unfortunately didn't show up in any of the photos.

I know chunky bracelets can make someone with chubby arms look even more chunky but I love this bracelet. I'm big boned. No seriously my wrists and ankles, calves, etc. often don't fit in things sized for "normal" women. I don't think I'm some mutant, so sizing must be really wonky, but I do think there is something to the "big-boned" thing. While I want to be healthy and as active as my arthritis will let me, I really don't think I was meant to be a 95 lb. tiny woman no matter what. It's just not in the genetic cards.

My dad said his high school football coach saw his mom (my grandma) and exclaimed, "I wish you were built like your mother." Yes, and this is the grandma I resemble according to my mom. So genetics and all that . . . I think I can fight my genetic tendency towards obesity, but will never be super skinny.  But really, I'm O.K. with big-boned as long as I'm healthy. Now how did I get all that from a bracelet? It seriously must be bedtime!

Yes, I'm Pear Shaped

Er, gourd shaped since this is a giant gourd at the Floyd County Fair last year. I knew having my pear-shaped self photographed next to it would come in handy some day. 

I think I could qualify as an hourglass too since I have swimmer's shoulders to go with my swimmer/former ballet thighs. But I always go with pear shaped because my butt is so large and round it's way more noticeable than my top. My bust is not small--between a 38 D and DD according to my bra fitting--but it fades into the background compared to my bottom.  My boobs sometimes loom large and need covering and other times I have to be careful not to look flat-chested. So strange how things work.

Working out vigorously is not an option for my joints, so a runner's body is off the table. So are Michelle Obama arms because even light dumbells kill my wrists. I'm having pretty good luck with resistance bands, so we'll see. I hate my flabby arms because I feel like people judge me and think I'm too lazy to lift weights to fix them. See, I'm still a work in progress on the body confidence thing, but so much better than when I was younger and slimmer. 

Since swimming and kayaking are becoming more and more my workout of choice due to arthritis, my shoulders and thighs are not likely to go away anytime soon. Well ever really. My rail thin Rheumatologist looked at my foot x-rays and said I'd be happier on wheels than on foot. Skates maybe, bike not so much. Imagine trying to perch that on a seat!  I've struggled with hating my thighs off and on since my teens, but I saw photos of Olympic swimmers recently. Hunh, they have thighs, gymnasts have thighs . . . I wonder if mine are not blobs but reminders of all the gymnastics, ballet and swimming I've done over a lifetime? I like that view much better!

What Should I Wear to a Conference, Day 2 & 3

This is what I wore to the Symposium on Saturday. Since it was the weekend, I chose jeans and the sneakers are because I got tired of my feet protesting when I went out to walk during breaks. The mix of sitting for long periods and periodic jumping up for walks was really irritating to my feet somehow.

I wonder sometimes if people think I'm faking when limp out and stroll smoothly back in. It's an opportunity to educate about Rheumatoid arthritis, right? But not entirely fun for me. I believe it's the plantar fasciitis that makes my feet act a fool after sitting a long time.

An Exercise in Frustration
After hearing Dr. Ratey speak about exercise, I'm ready to storm my local school superintendent's office with research to show how STUPID it is that my kids have PE only certain 9 weeks as an elective when I had it daily 1-12th grade. I really think daily PE and ballet is how I got through childhood so well. Now I'm in the curious position of being a big advocate of exercise, but being the voice of reason as an arthritis sufferer. I simply can't "just do it" and push myself till it hurts. From experience I can say that if I don't really guard my joints, I have to stop exercising for a while to heal up. So for me, moderation is key. Even my dear husband who is super-understanding about my arthritis recently asked me why I don't add jogging to my exercise routine. Excuse me, shall I carry you to the Rheumatologist's office and show you my foot x-rays? I take it as a complement because hubby who believes I can do anything doesn't see my limitations, and he honestly just forgot.

There are still lots of people out there who think you're just lazy if you don't push yourself with super intense workouts. So let me be the voice of reason that says get out there, move your body the best you can and find things you enjoy. Swimming and kayaking seem ideal for me, but my co-worker thinks paddling all day would be torture. Yet she would do boot camp type stuff at a gym. Who is right? Both of us are! O.K. Now stepping off my soapbox. Besides, Kelly at RA Warrior says it so much better than I do. Worth a looksee!

This Blog Needs a Warning Label!

I say if medicine can have terrifying sounding side effects, then blogs can have side effects too. Objects in mirror may be more awesome than you thought! Surprising side effect to starting a blog where I subject myself to daily photos? Increased confidence! I've always been something of a wallflower in large groups. Close friends and my hubby know my irreverent humor and absolute willingness to act totally goofy, but generally in public I'm reserved. That translated into choosing clothing to fade into the background for most of my life. But no more!

For some reason we women tend to come into our own in our 40's. I don't pretend to understand it. Maybe we're tired of cramming ourselves into everyone else's idea of who we should be. Or maybe it's life experiences teaching us that no matter what we do, somebody's not going to be happy, so why strain yourself? All I know is that I wouldn't go back to a younger age if you paid me. When I was younger, for some reason 40 was the age I picked in my head as the time when the bloom of youth would be faded and I would be dried up and frumpy. Instead I turned out to be quite the late bloomer!

Surprisingly, this blog has been fun and educational for me so far. I really expected all of my insecurities about my face and body to increase and possibly cause me to drop the blog after a few days. But an amazing thing happened. Sometimes I see those imperfections, but more often I see myself and think, "Wow, that's me?"

Why I'm Boycotting My Post-Christmas Weigh-in

I was headed to the scale to assess the damage done by holiday eating. Just before stepping onto the scale, I stopped. Nope, not gonna do it! I know what it takes to get back to eating my normal diet and I know I’ll get back to my pre-holiday weight.  The two weeks surrounding Christmas was a crazy time of eating crap! Generally I avoid white flour like the plague, but all the sudden it was my best friend again. Maybe it was staying in a condo with family and having relatives continually offering pies, cakes and cookies. Life is back to normal now and I’m afraid if I weigh, I’ll freak out, get depressed and try to be extreme. I know from past experience if I just go back to normal eating and maybe tighten it up a little, I’ll return to normal.

I’d love to lose 30 more pounds down from what has become my normal weight because, according to my BMI, I’m just barely in the obese range (not that I trust BMI anyway).  At this time in my life, I just don’t feel capable of tightening up my eating enough to do that, but I have reached a point where I’m longer gaining or out of control. I’m in a maintenance mode, but right now that feels pretty good.

Last year when I did Thrive Weight Loss *(www.thriveweightloss.com) and when I did Weight Watchers two years ago I weighed myself daily, maybe even more often. At the time it served a purpose because I was learning how different foods and eating habits affected me.  However, it’s so easy to cross over to obsession that I’m avoiding that right now.

I’ve never had an eating disorder unless you include gaining 20 lbs. due to eating for comfort following my divorce. But I consider that a time-limited thing. Up until the divorce I had generally stayed at a healthy weight. However, just prior to starting Thrive, I had begun seeing food as the enemy, something I had never, ever experienced before.  Suddenly I was pissed off at the world, myself and food in general. The world seemed a profoundly unfair and cruel place. Now I no longer see food as an enemy, but as fuel.  I understand better what makes me gain or lose and what foods make me feel energetic or lethargic.  I’m not following any eating plan perfectly but I’m eating healthier than I ever have in my life. Then this fall I began to read some body image sites that filled in some of the missing pieces for me about loving myself no matter what my size. At some point I’m sure I will weigh again, but right now it really serves no purpose. Right now I'm more interested in loving myself than in pursuing perfection. Anybody else go through phases like that about weighing?  I know I can’t be the only one!

*I’m not affiliated with Thrive Weight Loss at all—just a satisfied customer. And it’s a local Georgia company which I think is really cool! 

Curvy Girls Have More Fun

O.K. There, I've said it--I'm curvy! So sue me.
I was checking some of my favorite blogs this morning and came across this post by Sal on Already Pretty about wearing tunics over leggings. I absolutely adore this look, but with my figure, it's questionable at best. Still sometimes I try to pull it off. I'm going to post a couple of outfits from the last few weeks that I've been meaning to post anyway. Occasionally I just wear something I love even if it's not the most flattering and these would be examples of me doing just that.

What do you think? 

Thank Goodness I'm Past Middle School

"Hey big nose!" My son said that's how he gets greeted by classmates. Hey, that was my nickname in middle school too! No, seriously it was. My nose grew before the rest of my face at age 13 and is still um, not my favorite feature. But I've made peace with it.

Fortunately my son takes it with a sense of humor and so far seems pretty confident. I'm a little too tired tonight to wax eloquent on standards of beauty and the cruelty of middle schoolers. I could get really mad but I've decided to get even with this blog. No, not by hurting people who enjoy hurting others' feelings. I figure they have enough problems. My plan is to "get even" by feeling good about myself and my imperfections while encouraging others to do the same. Who's with me?

And besides, how can you not just love this face?

Oh, and here's my work outfit today

 I look like I could break into some kind of folk dance any minute, don't I?

When I bought this dress I thought it had a western prairie vibe to it. Looking at these pictures, I'm getting more of an Eastern European folksy feel. I'm realizing changing my clothing style involves risk. Sad to say, I decided to try this dress out on a day when I'd be in the office with my one co-worker. I didn't feel confident enough in it to venture into a community meeting or to see a client. What's up with that?

For one thing this breaks my general guideline never to wear anything I can't climb a tree in. I'm just beginning to see dresses as comfortable and fun. You probably won't see me in a pencil skirt unless it's for a short event. Love the look but they're just too confining to wear all day. But this dress is as comfy to wear as pants. Fun! And I would wear it here or there. I would wear it anywhere.

Is Body Image a Spiritual Issue?

It's everywhere I look now. It started with reading a few blogs. Then just prior to my surgery I became fascinated with women and body image. While I was out recovering from surgery, my schedule was free so that I could read more on the subject.

A few weeks ago I was thrilled to hear my favorite Christian radio program Midday Connection announce this program about body image. They even had a panel of guests of different ethnicities. Prior to this I had not given a lot of thought to how someone from a different background would have different experiences and concerns.

We tend to think of appearance as not a very spiritual issue, other than for a list of do's and don'ts. But since our body image is so deeply tied to how we view ourselves and how we approach others, I believe it is a spiritual issue worth considering. We are created by God, and that fact should always reassure us that each person is a work of art. So listen to the program if you dare. Did it change the way you think about this subject?

The Skirt that Launched a Couple of Bass Boats: Attention from Your Clothes Part 2

As I've said before, my primary reason for improving my clothing selection is not for increasing attention from others. I figure I'm going to get noticed if I look bad too. So why not get a positive reaction if I can. All of this leads to a rather amusing story . . . 

I shot these photos in small town Alabama where a woman photographing herself is something of a novelty. However, I was a little taken aback when a couple of fishermen in a bass boat stopped and absolutely stared. (No Alabama jokes please. I'm allowed to comment because it's my home state!). I mentioned my surprise to my husband and he asked why I don't think I'm attractive.

What? Now I think I'm decently attractive, but I'm not a 20 year old with a killer body. I don't think of myself as hot enough to stop traffic (or bass boats). I'm a 40-something mom and for most of my life I've been comfortable being sort of invisible. The skirt was modestly at knee length--until I sat down on the dock anyway.
Then to add a bit of humility to the entire story, my husband agreed with me that it's not that they were staring at my extreme hotness . . . but that they were intrigued by my sitting down in a skirt. I had to sit, get back up, set up the camera, sit down, get back up, etc. I promise my aim was not to flash Gadsden, AL. Really, I promise! Nobody was out on the river until they came up. My purpose in life is not to be gawked at. Maybe the post should really address men and how they view women, but I'll leave that for another day.

So far attention because of my clothing has not been an entirely positive experience for me. My husband and my mom are complementary, though. So maybe it's not a complete loss.