A pretend letter I would write if I were brave:
Dear Stacy and Clinton,
I am your biggest fan. When I started watching your show 9 years ago, I know I could have qualified to be on the show. I have made every mistake you highlight including wrinkled clothing, baggy elastic waist pants, horrid bold prints, etc. I was just generally careless about clothing from an early age up until about age 40. I'm really sorry about my last two blog posts showing me wearing cropped pants or capris. To make up for it, I will wear walking shorts instead play by the rules . . . most of the time.
The horrid cropped pant is ubiquitous in the south where soaring temperatures and humidity would melt you. Just, trust me on this. I can see from your perspective, they do look sort of stupid looking, but they feel much cooler than long pants without showing off aging legs. So I will wear them sometimes but with the knowledge I'm not looking my best or dressing to my full advantage. Just be dazzled by our lovely azaleas and dogwoods in the background and maybe you'll forget all about it!
Your biggest fan,